This has been one of the hardest weeks of my life but even with this heartbreak, there are a lot of lessons I can learn. Not only am I dealing with the death of my Grandfather, who was like a father to me. I am also dealing with a traumatic breakup now.
I will not go into the extent of what happened because it is super personal but let's just say I had no choice but to kick my ex out of my house. He lied and ultimately blew it. With that being said this post is inspired by what is working for me so far in my grieving process. I could use all the love and prayers right now. One of the ways I have learned to cope is by writing and therefore here I am processing it. Breakups are never easy but this was light and day. We never fought and he really screwed up. I do not deserve what he put me through. I never thought this would be happening. I honestly think I dodged a huge bullet logically though but that does not make it any easier.
For one of the first times, I am allowing myself to feel the feelings and not numb out. Losing love of any kind is never easy. I also feel like I lost my best friend. When you go from talking to someone every single day to not at all it is very hard. I got so used to having him in my house and in my bed at night. Now, it is so very quiet in my house. Not only did he screw up he also put me at risk for COVID and risked my safety. He broke my heart in the worst possible time while also grieving the loss of a family member. I am proud of myself though for sticking to my guns and not letting him manipulate me and sticking to my boundaries. Through it all and all the pain I still choose to not let him break me or give up on love. One day, I will find my person. Even though I thought it was him God is just preparing me for someone better and the right person. I honestly have realized the only thing that can make me happy is myself. If I never find (the one) that is okay too. I was fine alone and I will be again eventually. Sometimes, being alone is almost easier. There's no risk of disappointment.